This article is a personal narrative by Diane Roston, M.D. of the suicide of her husband, David, in 2008. It is a powerful and intimate recounting of her thoughts, emotions, and behaviors from the day of her husband's death, up to the present time, as she tries to cope with the shock, trauma, confusion, horror, and intense grief produced by this life-changing event. It also includes her thoughtful reflections on how this experience has changed her personal and her professional life and has led to a hard-won sense of meaning and acceptance of the death.